Ya know what is the worst day to go clothes shopping? On good self-esteem days. *cue laughter* I mean seriously, I know every lady in here has done that at least once or twice. You know you wake up, look in the mirror and you think.."damn...who is that foxy motherfucker staring back at me? Oh man, it's me! Well, aren't I sexy today?" And then in a fit of brilliance you decide that to celebrate this wondrous day of looking good, you will take yourself shopping. So you get dressed do the once over in the mirror, and realize that you are still looking just as good as you did before. So you leave the house, drive to the mall and enter a store. Not Macy's or anywhere respectable like that, but something more along the lines of Madame Roxie's Boutique of Sluttiness. Cause really? You are one sexy motherfucker and if anyone can pull off those clothes it is you!
So once in the store you ask the associate to point you in the direction of the most revealing clothing they sell. And so standing there amongst the thongs and spandex, you pick out the most raunchy dress you can find. Slits up the side, holes cut in the bodice, and short enough that one sneeze would expose everything. So you try it on and look in the mirror..and once again think you are IT.
You end up purchasing the dress and take it home. Once there, you hang the dress in the closet and call it a day. The next evening you get a call from a friend who wants to go out to the club. And you think, "This will be the perfect opportunity to take that dress out for a spin". So you get ready, shower, put the dress on, and then go into the bathroom to do your hair and makeup. You look in the mirror and are appalled at what you see. "Where did this ugly cow from from?" And then you realize that the ugly cow you are referring to, is you. You think this can't be right..."I tried on that dress just yesterday, it must have shrunk..it's a trick...must be water weight." You think of every possible excuse there is as to why this dress no longer fits. And then you realize that you have been duped by good self-esteem yet again.
And that is the story of why women shouldn't go shopping on good self-esteem days. Because seriously, we don't need to be spending more money on things we won't ever wear. And I know we all have those outfits in our closet..those items we never wear cause they don't look right. So heed my warning and don't let your friends go out shopping on good self-esteem days.